No one but yourself.
Recently i think i have realized something about myself and yet i don't quite know what it is. Its that feeling that i get when i walk into a room that ive been in hundreds or even thousands of times and yet i see it in a different way than i have ever seen it before. i look at my life up to this point and i see a path leading in thousands of different directions, criss crossing itself and leading up down backwards sideways and yet leading up to this point. its a line i could never trace, and would never hope to trace. looking back i wish that i could change actions that led to the end of certain realities. the things that i did that i thought would have the largest impact have often had the least. the ones that seem to be insignificant seem to define me as a person.
My life and the laws that govern it seem to defy the universal law of the universe that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction because nothing seems proportional. It occurs to me now that my perception of reality might be so different from that of others that i have no concept of what will dramatically influence me anymore. I think i like it this way. i have to embrace it because i have recently become so fascinated with time, and the way i pass it and pass through it that i dont entirely notice how insignificant the span of my life will be against the universal whole.
There is really so little time given us. and yet we never know it, because all of what we perceive and interpret is relative. Everything we see, regardless of if it is old or new is compared in some way to something that we have already experienced. Its this constant relativity that causes our past to live on in our present, because certain aspects of the past that seemed so unlike anything else when we first experienced them, only become more similar to everything else as we live more and more of our life.
No one will read this, not all the way through anyway. so really what i have to say here could be as meaningless as the brand of toothpaste that i use. but the act of using the toothpaste, or the act of blogging, is what is really significant to me. Not what comes out of it, but the fact that i am doing it for the sole purpose of my own well being and health. I have a pile of all my clothes on the couch in my room, and i need to clean it up before i will be able to earnestly begin studying for the last two finals of my first semester and senior year. Time has not passed quickly, nor has it been slow. Time has passed, and our perception of it has changed, in addition to the things we value, hate, and love. There will always be moments we wish for again, and moments we wish had never happened, but the true significance of those moments comes from our ability to accept them as what they are, and then move on with our lives in a way that brings the past as a resource, not a ball and chain.
